Lettuce, Assets, and Sundays in Bed

It's Monday and I'm feelin' kinda random ya'll...

Who the hell craves SALAD?

Don't people usually crave shit they don't eat often? Or ever...like steak or pork chops? But noooo.....I'm craving lettuce. WTF?!

If I don't find this article on treatment integrity in drug court systems I'ma shoot myself in the head. Fuck.

I absolutely loved our Sunday in bed. Wish we could do that shit more often.

I drink too damn much.

Why does my eyebrow always go up when I see a black woman with a white man? Funny, guess I'm accustomed to seeing black men with white women, but the other way around? Subconscious bullshit, I suppose.

What is the relevance to the scholarly literature in asking me whether or not I know how to prepare chitlins? (I swear, I just took a survey that asked this exact question)

OMG it's hot. I should probably wear sunscreen...

I need a drank!

Who the hell spends $250 on a doll house for a three year old? I'll tell you who...somebody who is very rich. Or very stupid.

Sometimes I hate my job...but not often enough to quit this muthafucka!

If this woman doesn't stop slurping her coffee, I'ma march across the hall and knock her teeth out. Give her ass something to slurp about...

I wonder if G-dub will ever admit that he's fucked this nation up. Maybe on his death bed?

I'm so proud of my workout! Finally got back in the groove...gotta watch the cardio tho, wouldn't wanna lose the ass(ets) from too much treadmill action.

My feet look ridiculous. Pedicure. Tonight.

Is the black church REALLY the cornerstone of the black community? And if it is, should it be?

Hard to believe I'll be 35 this year...can't wait!

OK, random brain dump complete. I'm sleepy now. Wonder if the boss will notice if I take a quick nap...

Fuckin' Fireworks!

Don't get it twisted, I'm all about celebrating ya'll. I can bbq with the best of 'em. Get yo party on, get yo drank on, hang out with the family and friends...

But dammit, watch where you shoot those fuckin' fireworks!

Threatening my wellbeing, my pets, tryin' to burn up my residence n shit.

Sheesh.

If one more toddler, ten year old, teenager, or grown ass adult shoots off a firecracker, bottle rocket, missile, or any other of those damn colorful fire hazards into my yard or around my damn home, I'ma greet they ass with my loaded 38, glass of Crown in hand.

Let's not forget, what goes up must come down. Law of gravity, people.

Have a SAFE and happy 4th of July weekend!

I Ain't No Biologist, But...

I am always amazed by people who complain with glee about the drama and unhealthy people they allow into their lives. And then call me an ass when I act disinterested. I learned a long time ago that when we let drama into our lives, and allow it to stay around like that drunk and jobless relative that’s lived in your neighbors’ basement for thirty years, we do so because we get something out of having it there.

It like a symbiotic relationship that we see in nature…not the parasitic kind, but the mutual kind. Look at coral, for example. There’s tons of little thingies called zooxanthellae (don’t ask me how to pronounce that shit) that live inside of coral, grub on the coral’s waste products, and in turn produce the shit that helps the coral grow. That’s the mutual benefit that I’m talkin’ bout. Cool shit, huh?

But I digress…

My point is, regardless of how much folks complain about their dramatic lives, how much they bitch and moan about how they wish their shit was stress free, no matter how much they whine about their friends who constantly bring them down, about “stalkers” and “bug-a-boo’s”, the reality is THIS:

If you didn’t get something out of the deal, you would get rid of the damn deal. If you didn’t somehow benefit from the drama, you would get the drama out of your life. Imagine that?!

Some folks like to have other people’s drama around because it makes them feel better about themselves…some folks just like the concept of feeling like they’re needed…others just like to see someone else down so that they can talk shit and call them crazy, all the while ignoring the fact that they’re probably more crazy than the people they’re talkin’ bout.

As for me, there’s only so much of someone else’s drama that I’ll allow into my life. I learned that lesson the hard way, but I definitely learned it well. And for the folks who like to come around and complain and whine and bitch and moan about their drama or that of their friends, I’ll just continue to be the smirking face at the other side of the table wondering what the fuck you’re complaining about.

Seriously.

Building a Village

It's funny how much women give of ourselves to other people. Whether it's family, friends, associates, random strangers, women are socialized to give and give until we fall apart from giving so much.

In reality, I don't think we mind so much being givers, but the mistake that many of us make is forgetting to take time to recharge our batteries. Another mistake is that we don't surround ourselves with other women that we can talk to, vent to, cry to, laugh with, plan with, and so on.

Everybody needs somebody. Seriously. Life, it takes a village to live right.

I've been guilty in the past of shying away from building strong relationships with other women. Sure, I've always had a small core group of homegirls, but the number of real female friends in my life I can count on one hand...hell, more like three fingers.

But yesterday, in an effort to broaden my circle and build a supportive, positive, and uplifting setting for myself and other women I know, I hosted a luncheon and facilitated discussion at my place. And the experience was amazing, not only for me, but for the seven other women who joined me.

Besides the sorry ass potluck dishes that people brought (a bucket of store bought potato salad is NOT acceptible, nor is a bottle of fucking cranberry juice...good thing I took the time to make some good shit), the discussion we had was wonderful. It's so cool to see a group of black women of diverse ages, backgrounds, and interests, have such an uplifting discussion about women who have inspired them and strategize on how to inspire and uplift other women.

It was so cool to see how much these women have to offer the community. Whether it's teaching young girls about health and safe sex, or whether it's mentoring young women about careers in engineering, or whether it's building a community garden, being the neighborhood mother, or just a shoulder for others to lean on...each of the women I talked with yesterday have such profound blessings to offer the world. And each of them said how wonderful it was to have a place to just be themselves.

Ultimately, with these monthly gatherings, the goal is to build a network of support, community sustainability, and collective action, and share these things with others we know. Kinda like that village that so many of us grew up with. We want to build something where everybody knows that whatever happens, somebody will be there to support, uplift, assist, share, celebrate, etc...no matter what.

In a place like Vegas, where people come and go, everybody's out for themselves, and muthafuckas don't even know who lives next door, I believe that what we've started is a true blessing for each of us involved. I am inspired.

Random Gas Thief

An open letter to whoever siphoned the gas out of my man's vehicle last night:

Come the hell on, random gas thief. Is it REALLY that bad? Is the extra cash you're pumping into the gas tank REALLY hurting you as badly as you claim? I mean, I could kinda empathize with you if you were a long distance trucker, a taxi cab driver, or something like that...but most likely you're just an average joe who commutes to work and home, if you even have a job, that is.

Seriously guy, are you starving, homeless, or without a damn cell phone because of the escalating gas prices?

I would venture to guess that the answer is no. Simply because if it were indeed THAT BAD, you'd get your ass on a bike, a bus, a train, invest in some good walking shoes, or some other cheaper means of transportation. Maybe you're one of the stupid fucks who is still driving a gas guzzling SUV. I have a suggestion: You should think about trading it in for a smaller or more fuel efficient vehicle. That's a great step in the right direction, instead of stealing from other people.

Sure, somebody's getting over on the American people. Somebody's pockets are fat as hell right about now. Some corporate fucks are laughing all the way to the bank. Yes, tis true. But thieving from someone else who is just as likely as you to be hurting from this economic downturn...what good does that do?

Karma is a muthafucka, random gas thief. Best believe.

Doin' What I Do

I swear, muthafuckas think that the job of the fundraiser is simple. People tell me all the time how they wish they had my job, how they would love to go to events for a living, would love to take people out to lunch and dinner and drinks for a living, would love to schmooze and mix and mingle and basically kick it for a paycheck.

Mmmhmm...

Don't get me wrong. I love my job and realize that it's not the same as working out in 110-degree heat building houses and roads. Hell, it's not even comparable in stress to my years in the mortgage banking business. Lawd knows it's nowhere near the same amount of work or pressure associated with being a doctor or lawyer or teacher. I'm not here to complain...believe me, I CAN'T complain. I get paid too well for what I do to have any-damn-thang to bitch about.

It's just frustrating how the same people who in one breath say what a cushy job I have, will in the very next breath say things like:

But I'd NEVER be able to ask somebody for money!

But I'd NEVER be able to make cold calls!

But I'd NEVER be able to deal with rich people all the time!

But I'd NEVER be able to put up with the pressure!

But I'd NEVER be able to stand being told NO!

But I'd NEVER be able to come up with interesting things to talk about!

And on and on like such...I just wish these folks would shut the fuck up, sit the hell down, and let me do what I do. Seriously.

I don't know, just some shit that's on my mind after finding out that a certain non-fundraising individual has been out trying (and failing miserably) to do what I do. Apparently he thinks they hired me for nothing. See, it's one thing to take people to lunch and dinner and drinks, it's a whole nutha thing to have researched these folks beforehand, have a clear understanding of their interests, facilitate a conversation about these interests, be smooth enough to link their interests to your cause, close the fucking deal, and walk away with a comittment for $100K.

Yeah, try that shit. Well, apparently he did. And failed. Miserably.

Now, Tha L has to go pick up the fuckin' pieces. I'm inclined to shove a few of those pieces in dude's jugular.

Check It!

If ya'll have never seen this movie, you've gotta check it out. I watched it a couple weeks ago and couldn't believe that I had missed it when it came out in 2006.

Don't think you can stand the sound of the Chinese language for two hours? Don't wanna have to read damn subtitles for two hours? Get the fuck over it.

This is one of the best movies I've seen in a long ass time. The imagery and cinematography are absolutely beautiful, the characters wonderfully cast, and the story...good gawd.

Love, betrayal, blood...and did I say blood?

Loves it!

I hipped my man to it the other day and he just called and let me know that he picked it up. Sounds like a date to me...movie night!!!